The Dawn is Breaking

Nearly two months ago, the night sky had grown dark and the cold air set in as I watched from a hospital window the pre-Christmas bustle. It seemed my world had screeched to a sudden halt as the rest of the town went about business as usual. The clock on the wall seemed to tick away each passing minute more slowly than the last. With despair gripped around my throat like I’d never before known, I played spectator to my husband’s pain; to what seemed in those moments a losing battle.

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Afterward We Will

What I am doing you do not understand now, but afterward you will understand.

John 13:7

It was a time of celebration. The temperatures would have dropped with nightfall that early spring evening. The men gathered in that upper room knew nothing of the commonalities coming to an end; oblivious to the road’s sudden turn ahead. Yet, with full knowledge of their misconceptions, the confusion they would soon feel and the weight He was about to shoulder, Jesus rose from the table and began to wash their feet. From a reclined, comfy seat with a full belly and heavy heart, Jesus went out of His way to teach one more lesson though He knew they wouldn’t comprehend it until later.

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I slumped to the kitchen floor. The time had come for the conversation I had dreaded. The moment was right. I could feel it in my bones. I needed to tell him the truth.

I motioned for my not-so-little boy to come near. He slid onto my lap. His frame pressed against my ribs. I couldn’t tell if it were the weight of his growing body or the moment upon us that squeezed the air from my lungs. Either way, the gentle pressure was a reminder of days when with a shallow breath came constant anguish. I sucked in a new, deep breath – proof I was no longer encamped in that sorrow – then prayed wisdom over my tongue and grace for his ears as I dove in.

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Perfect Timing

This past month has been a journey in the Read household. We walked into a battle we had no idea was on the horizon before our feet hit the cold hard floor of reality. It’s an absolute miracle to be sitting here by the fireplace on this normal Wednesday. Life could have been so much different.

And then, as if the events over the past four weeks weren’t enough to keep us on our toes yesterday happened. And now today.

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Ahhh Normal…But Wait!

The alarm clock rang. Okay, it rang a few times before we finally decided to rise from our slumber. But rise we did. The coffee was made, teeth were brushed, breakfast was had and the day begun. Instead of take it all for granted, however, today my man and I breathed in the simplicity of normal.

These past few weeks have been unpredictable to say the least. What was planned to be a time of celebration, family togetherness and pleasure, turned into days riddled with anxiety, intense pain and uncertainty. So today, the renewed winds of normal were sweet to bask within.

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Even as the Tears Fall…

Jesus met me in my kitchen today. I stood in front of a sink piled high with drying dishes, horses grazing in the neighbor’s field and kids dancing in the living room. It didn’t matter that I was in the middle of lunch preparations or that my son asked me for the location of a bookmark. When Jesus shows up, everything else can wait.

A friend asked me the other day how I was doing. I told her in all honesty how filled I have been with hope. This past week has served as confirmation that what I have in faith proclaimed, God is indeed doing. Today, however, hope feels waned.

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