This past month has been a journey in the Read household. We walked into a battle we had no idea was on the horizon before our feet hit the cold hard floor of reality. It’s an absolute miracle to be sitting here by the fireplace on this normal Wednesday. Life could have been so much different.
And then, as if the events over the past four weeks weren’t enough to keep us on our toes yesterday happened. And now today.
Yesterday we were scheduled to meet with an expectant mom. After everything that has happened with Rob’s health and the state of our family, both Rob and I had an odd sense of ease and peace I can’t explain. We just knew God was up to something and He would provide.
All seemed fine until halfway there a little light on the dashboard of our car indicated our alternator was no longer charging the battery as it should. Instead of the charge in the battery being revitalized as we drove like cars are designed to do, our car was operating the entirety of the electrical system on what power was left in the battery. In other words, we had a limited number of miles before it failed to take us any farther.
As our carefully devised plan started to unravel we had a choice to make: Do we trust God on the front side, knowing we were once again headed straight into a battle we hadn’t planned to fight or do we turn around and head for the safety of home – giving up on what we believed God had ordained in the wake of circumstances?
It was then we decided faith was our only option. And so, with texts sent to ask friends to pray along with us, we turned the car due south and drove on.
We made it through a couple stretches of “no man’s land” (as my husband likes to call the vastness between exits) and were just about to pass another exit leading us into thicker traffic when the car suddenly kicked out of drive. With impeccable timing we were able to get the dwindling charge on the battery to last just long enough to carry us not only off the interstate, but into the safety of a nearby parking lot.
With the time to our appointment quickly ticking away, Rob popped the hood on our little white car. Seeing the hood open, a stranger stopped to ask if we needed any help. He then proceeded to graciously connect our battery to his own and wait for several minutes in a cold parking lot as his engine charged up our battery and we were off again.
This time though, we knew we wouldn’t get far. So we looked up the closest auto parts store and headed there. The charge our stranger friend gave us got us till right out front of the store and we coasted the car in through the exit to the nearest parking spot where the battery died completely.
I frantically began texting our agency and calling for rides as Rob began the cold job of changing an alternator with less than adequate tools. Not far from us was our sister-in-law who, on a whim, had decided to head home after a meeting earlier that morning to clean out her car rather than run the errands she’d planned. When I called she was not only in close proximity with a clear schedule, but also happened to have two free seats in her vehicle.
Four weeks ago, life felt scary and uncertain in a matter of minutes. It seemed my world spiraled out of control so quickly it was hard to even string together the events to make sense of what was unfolding. Yet, God had planned a way out before we knew one was necessary. Only in hindsight can we see how God planned down to the exact second when, what, where and how we needed. And yesterday, with all that so fresh on our minds, we were able to see His divine provision while it played out.
Today, however, finds us once again reeling in heartbreak, confusion and uncertainty.
We were not chosen. Again. And once more, tears have fallen freely from these eyes as my silent questions fly heavenward.
Why not Lord?
Why not us?
What’s wrong with me?
Yet, one thing God has made clear: Today, we are faced with the same choice. We can forge ahead, faithfully following the call or turn back to a false sense of safety.
To be quite frank, my first instinct is to run and hide. But at the end of the day, it was quite on purpose we invited you into our story. Which means even on the hard days, even when the hard days seem to outnumber the good, we want to be transparent here. Honest. And ultimately, our goal is not to have our arms filled, but to see our God glorified. Even in the hardship. And if I can’t be faithful – that is faith-filled – on the hard days, I’ll never see the fulfillment of my faith on the good ones.
So once again, we’ve decided the only option for us is to have faith and forge ahead. Regardless of these miles ahead in “no-man’s land”. We will choose to be faith-filled as we march onward. All to the glory of our faithful Savior.