With the dawning of the new year in 2017, Rob and I were affirmed it was time to begin our adoption journey. For us, however, it began with the physical repositioning of our home in order to be ready to add a new member to our family. So began our search for a house to accommodate the growth we were seeking. One of the scariest moments along that portion of our journey was signing the offer on our home without a place to go. I remember leaning over the table with pen suspended above the line where my autograph would say goodbye to our first home. In fact, the very place I stood at that moment was where, only a few short years earlier, I had crumbled on the living room floor scared and broken over the misconceptions I had formed about the demand of being called, “Mama.” However, as I stood in a place I had once knelt, I felt a peace wash over me and a determination to follow the Lord no matter where He led. Even if meant leaving behind what I knew in pursuit of a new twist on the very thing I had been terrified to embark on: Motherhood.
In true Divine fashion, He led to a home that far exceeded our expectations. He blessed and provided in ways we had no way of knowing we would need. However, this journey isn’t for the faint of heart. It seems at every bend the enemy fights harder than he did at the last.
Almost exactly one year later, over that same table located in our new home I sat with pen suspended gazing at the check. The check I knew, combined with all our other monthly expenses, would drain our account of the resources we had set aside for this journey. What a sobering experience. I knew this day would come. I knew we’d come to the end of our rope and have nothing but faith to stand on from that moment forward. I just didn’t expect that day to come quite so quickly.
Far too often I filter our circumstances, especially our finances, through my limited human lens. I allow the enemy to deceive me into contemplating a little too much what others must see when they look at our current scenario. It must seem so foolish. However, I was reminded recently faith is never foolishness. If it’s truly rooted and grounded in scripture’s truth, if God has said it, affirmed and called us to walk it out, it is not foolish. Because God tell us in Isaiah 55, His ways are not our ways. Facing a giant with only a leather sling and five stones, seemed foolish. Stepping out of the boat onto turbulent waters, seemed foolish. Pouring out the prized possession of perfume on a man’s street filthy feet, seemed foolish. A criminal’s death sentence of the true King – at the hands of the religious, no less – seemed foolish. Victory, however, is proven through history not to be won in the safety net. It’s won on the battlefield of the seemingly foolish faith-filled actions of God’s people.
So, here we’ve stepped onto the turbulent waters of financial “foolishness”. We have put off all cosmetic upgrades to our home, from the simplicity of paint in several rooms to the major undertaking of a halted renovation (due to the unfortunate necessity of water remediation.) We are driving cars with over 200,000 miles on them, nursing along aged appliances and dealing with the everyday norms of garage doors on the fritz and cracked sinks. All in an effort to pursue His calling. And in no way am I complaining! I’m simply seeking out a vulnerability here to say this calling is a call of sacrifice. But it is also a call of abundance. Already, I can feel my heart being stretched on this path we are traversing. Though the process of molding this heart of mine into the heart of a mother my children will need the day our child is placed in our arms and every day thereafter, is not always easy. Yet, the end result will be a heart that beats closer in sync with my Savior than it ever could have before. And so, it is with confidence, humility and conviction I can already say: It is oh, so worth it.
God has been faithful in bringing people along the journey to remind us on the hard days, He works all things for good for those who love Him. One friend continues to reassure me: The money we need to bring home our baby is never early. Another, that God has warehouse of all we need. And right now, we need money. I realize that is a bold statement. I also realize it’s our current reality. So, I’m not asking you give to me. I’m not asking you give toward our many self glorifying projects on our wish list. No. I’m asking you to prayerfully consider joining us on this journey to bring home a child who needs to know they are sought after, loved, and wanted. If that’s you, I want to invite you on this journey. I want to invite you to be a part of the faithfulness of our God and the miracles He is about to send from heaven on our behalf.
As a part of our home study documentation, we had to run a test on our well. We received word Tuesday it had failed. Just the expense of running the test had exceeded our monthly budget, then, additionally, the expense of all the options we were presented to fix the underlying issue as well as the cost to rerun the test itself hit us hard. Then, as if that bought of bad news wasn’t enough, also came new vehicle maintenance needs, raised real estate taxes and a few additional bills for which hadn’t been accounted. It was a long day with, it seemed, a new hardship at every bend in the road. Yet, God was every bit as present that day as He was when we stood in our dining room and signed the papers to sell our home without a place for our family to go.
See, we firmly believe all of the firey darts the enemy is sending our way are in an effort to distract us; to cause us to fuse our eyes on the issues at hand rather than the God in control. But we’re onto him. So let me end with a simple thought. While the storm is still raging outside our door; while the impossible still seems undoable. We feel a peace only described as divine. We will continue with whatever pennies we can scrounge up and rub together to follow hard after the God who has not only called us, but promises to equip us for the journey ahead. May this post be as much an encouragement and challenge to step out in your own faith as it is an invitation. God is moving mountains daily in our stead and in yours. Sometimes, the mountains removed are never revealed. And then sometimes, sometimes we get the opportunity to see them rise up in front of us, just so that by faith, we get to participate in throwing them into the sea. These are those mountains.
May the mountain-moving, chain-breaking, lie-shattering God be as evident in your everyday trials as He has been in ours.